When I was in my early twenties, just embarking on my journey into adulthood, I used to dream and want, and want and dream. I grew up in a religious household and understanding the need to read and study the Bible. But as I grew up, I became so fixated on what I wanted that I forgot "first things first."
I lived a pretty typical young adult's life; working and waiting for the weekend, so that I could party; sometimes so much so until when Sunday morning came around, I would be too exhausted to go to church. I forgot "first things first."
Then I got married, suffered through 21 years of unhappiness; and kept asking: Why me? Why Me? You see, I forgot "first things first."
When I got divorced, I became a rebel at an age closer to 50 than 40. I wanted to experience all of what I thought I had missed out on being married at 25 and for such a long time. I forgot "first things first."
My post-marriage experience turned out to be nothing but a frantic grasp at trying to live a life I thought would make me happy and give me fulfillment; I forgot "first things first."
During my fruitless attempts at self-awakening, I went through a myriad of crazy emotions and far-reaching impulsive adventures that were exciting and truly destructive. I played games I would never had done before. I became reckless, getting involved with two "bad boys", and all while harboring feelings of uneasiness throughout both relationships...I was just seeking a bit of happiness; looking for a reason to justify my foolishness. I forgot "first things first."
With my divorce came the crushing reality I was left alone to pick up the financial pieces of a broken marriage. Bills were mounting and I felt the walls were closing in and I was emotionally drowning. I forgot "first things first."
During that time, I lost three people who were extremely close to me; my mother and my 'play' mother. Then I lost me. I struggled to make sense of everything that had happened to me. I struggled with trying to make ends meet I struggled with an overwhelming loneliness. I struggled with those loss. I struggled with no one to turn to for encouragement. I forgot "first things first."
I began to start worrying. I worried about everything. How was I going to pay my bills; sometimes how was I going to get food to eat; how was I just going to make it from day-to-day. I was a mess because I forgot "first things first."
It has been thirteen years that I've been struggling with all of this. Thirteen years of not looking up when I felt my world crashing around me. Thirteen years of not handing my problems over to the One who has taken on the cares of the entire world and continues to do so every day-every hour-every second. Thirteen years of forgetting "first things first."
Now as I pen this post, I can smile. My life is still a mess; I still struggle with paying bills and making ends meet; I still suffer from overwhelming bouts of loneliness; I still sometimes feel inadequate. However, now I know that through my Savior, I can do all things. (Philippians 4:13)
Christ loves us and we can lay aside all worries. He has already given us everything we need. We have an all-inclusive promise from the Lord in Matthew 6:33. We don't ever have to worry how are bills are going to be paid; if we'll have a place to live; if we'll have food to eat, or even if we will have someone special in our lives. The Lord is ready and able to give it all...and He will! But, we have to realize and do our part. We need to look up and never forget "first things first!"
No comments:
Post a Comment