Accepting God's Forgiveness

God is merciful. He is gracious. We could never do enough to earn the grace of salvation. Just as every obedient person from Abel to the Jews on the day of Pentecost, we do whatever our Father specifically requires of us, whether or not it seems to make sense. We then follow His general commands to the best of our abilities--and with the right attitude, realizing that God expects only a reasonable service.

I am not perfect, and I never will be. I must constantly ask for forgiveness as I realize my imperfections and repent of them. I realize God has given both specific commands and general commands. I must follow the specific instructions, and I gladly fulfill the general mandates by my reasonable service from a heart overflowing with thankfulness for His grace which I could never deserve.

None of us can live a victorious life it we feel that we must earn every step of our salvation. It is utterly impossible. Such an attitude brings only frustration to those honest enough to realize their own inadequacy. By our faith-belief coupled with obedience-we leap into God's arms of grace. We cannot live victoriously without accepting God's forgiveness, and in turn, forgiving ourselves.

Windshield Wiper: Lesson from a Child

One rainy afternoon I was driving along one of the main streets of town, taking those extra precautions necessary when the roads are wet and slick. Suddenly, my granddaughter spoke up from her relaxed position in the front seat.

"Grandma, I'm thinking of something."

This announcement usually meant she had been pondering some fact for a while and was now ready to expound all that her seven-year-old mind had discovered. I was eager to hear. "What are you thinking?" I asked.

"The rain," she began, "is like sin and the windshield wipers are like God, wiping our sins away."

After the chill bumps raced up my arms I was able to respond. "That's really good."

Then my curiosity broke in. How far would this little girl take this revelation? So I asked..."Do you notice how the rain keeps coming? What does that tell you?"

She didn't hesitate one moment with her answer: "We keep on sinning, and God just keeps on forgiving us."

Who can drive in the rain again without thinking of this one???

AN OPEN LETTER TO MYSELF: IT'S TIME TO FORGIVE YOURSELF!

Last week I had someone of whom I feel very strongly about tell me that I have to much baggage to be part of his life. My first reaction was to become bitter and angry, but after a moment, I knew that I could not become angry about how he felt or what he desired from someone he chose to share his world. That was my baggage. Because of the depth of my feelings for this person, his words hurt very much. But he went on to explain, at my request, what he meant by baggage.

I had shared with him the things I'd gone through in my marriage; the physical and mental abuse, the cruel words, the demeaning things said about me. How I'd been told I was fat and ugly and after my divorce, I would never find anyone who wanted me. I allowed these words, this treatment, to engulf me. I then got caught up in a couple of relationships after my divorce, maybe to prove him wrong. But those relationships turned out to be almost as bad (though short-lived) as my 21-year marriage. In those relationships, I thought just because they didn't physical abuse me, they loved me just like they said. However, I put my very soul in danger, all because I had not let go of the things done to me in the past and I felt I had to prove something. I had to keep everyone at a certain distance to protect myself. I felt I was the reason my marriage didn't work out; there had to be something wrong with me. Maybe I didn't love him enough, or the right way. Somewhere I was lacking in my wifely duties. There was something  I did that made him want to hit me, treat me bad, belittle me. Whatever I did to ruin things, when I got a divorce I did not plan on doing them again, so I carried it with me as a reminder of the road I was not going to travel down again. Big mistake because I used it as my relationship gauge.


In time and through study, prayer, and counsel I was able to forgive my ex-husband, I was able to forgive those of the other failed relationships because I could finally acknowledge my role all that happened to me. Even if my role was not seeking the Lord's counsel before putting myself in a situation I knew was neither morally or spiritually right for me. Or not turning to my family for help when I needed it because I was too stubborn and proud. Through tearful and well-thought out letters, I was able to ask then for forgiveness in my role as well as forgive them for theirs. And I know if they ever need me, if it is within my ability, I will be there for them.

However, in forgiving them, I did not forgive myself. I've carried all of this around with me for so long until it has become part of me. It had become the useless baggage that has caused me to lose someone I really love. Through this loss, I am grateful. Grateful even though it has been a painful blow to be told I must confront the baggage before it destroys me. And it will destroy me because it takes my focus off where it should be and puts it squarely on me. I dwell on what has happened instead of what God has brought me through! I dwell on why me instead of why not me! I dwell on what I want instead of what God wants of me! So I do thank him for caring enough to let me know I was on a bad path to soul destruction.

Work on me...those were the words given me. Work on me. I never knew what that meant until now. Work on me. My rightful interpretation for those words...let it go. Let it all go! I've done sinful things, exhibited sinful behavior and I cannot take it back! If I could, I would, but I can't so it's time to let it go and get on with my living for the Lord. I cannot live for Him if I keep looking back and the Bible clearly tells me that in Philippians 3:13-14 "Brethren I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus". See, I now know that I don't have to worry about the past and what I did to myself. I need...no I have to cast ALL of my cares on the Lord because He does care for me! (1 Peter 5:7) And my forgiveness of myself begins there along with knowing that God will cleanse me from them. (1 John 1:9) I first have to acknowledge them and I certainly cannot do it if I'm carrying them around with me like a memorial!

There is so much beauty, so much joy, so much happiness living in the Lord and I want it all! I know I can do it, I've got to give it over to the Lord...I've got to trust in Him because I am dumb, I don't know anything (Proverbs 16:20). When I seek His forgiveness, the Lord is so gracious to do so (Psalm 103:2). Who am I not to do the same for myself?

I am done with the guilt. I am done with the pain. I am done with putting more on myself than I ought. I am done with it all. Everything is a blessing, even when I've gone and will go through the rough times. I came through them! I can share my victory in the Lord with others. I can be a blessing to them! Even now with the hurt of the realization of what my actions have cost me, I am still blessed. I am finally on the right road and God be praised! I am forgiving myself. I can't be any good to anyone with this baggage. It's been hard, but it is another lesson learned; a lesson that is drawing me closer to my Lord.

Today, I've forgiven me! Today I am working on me. Today I am taking the focus off the me that hinders my service to Christ. Today I acknowledge that it is not, never has been, and never will be about me! Today it is time to be content. Today I am striving to be a better person for doing His will and that is my whole duty. Today, I realize that God has brought me through so very much and instead of dragging it around with me, I should just say "Thank you Lord".

The Awakening

Please read to the end!

A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!
Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change...or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that neither of you is Prince Charming or Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you...and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of what you are...and that's okay. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself...and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself...and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging others and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties...and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained in your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, what you should do for a living, how much money you should make, what you should drive, how and where you should live, who you should marry, the importance of having and raising children, and what you owe you parents, family and friends.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with...and in the process you learn to go with your own instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for you next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn to that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you lean about love.

How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them to be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. And you learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK...and that it is your right to want things and ask for things you want...and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less.

And you learn that your body really is a temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise. You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear and uncertainty so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels the soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve...and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. Most importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone...and that its okay to ask for help.

You learn the only thing you must fear is the robber baron of all: FEAR itself! You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometime bad things happen to good people. On these occasions, you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. Life is just happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself, by yourself and you make yourself a promise never to betray yourself and never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so that you can listen to the wind.

And you make a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.