The “Stuff” Bags are Made Of
When I was younger, riding the bus to work or school, I would see countless women carrying, in addition to their purses, a least one other bag. Some women would have more than one, and I would always wonder what in the world did they have in all of those bags. Then I grew up and got a few bags of my own!
It is absolutely amazing how much “stuff” we can amass and cram into those bags. It is the same way with our lives. We amass a lot of stuff over the years that we separate and put into those bags. Every time something happens in our lives, whether good or bad; especially the bad stuff, we find a way of holding onto it by stuffing it into the pouches of our minds until they are just overflowing. So much of that stuff, no doubt most of it, should be put into the dumpster instead of constantly finding bags to hold that useless contents. Why do we want to hang onto it? What satisfaction does it bring us when we open those bags to look inside? We already know what’s inside of them; pain and suffering, loneliness, and fear! All of the kind of stuff that we tend to want to hold onto can be separated into those three compartments. That is the very type of stuff those bags are made of! We should not want to hang onto it, but we do!
I too, carried around a lot of stuff in my bags. Once I knew what the bags were actually for, I started cramming them to the top! I carried around the pain of past hurts; the loneliness brought on by those pains, and the fear of letting it all go and living without the bags. Okay, so I still have a few bags. We all do! But I am learning to get rid of them and give them to Christ to dispose of. I just don’t have the courage or knowledge to let go on my own.
We have to learn that by carrying around all of those bags, we are holding onto stuff that weighs us down. We cannot even move because the weight keeps us pinned down in one place, a place that we do not need to be! A place that we can escape from if we would only give those bags to Christ, He can handle them in a way that we cannot!
Let us together explore those bags and see how we can properly dispose of them forever!
Bag of Pain and Suffering
It is hard to put a painful past behind us...to look beyond the hurt and disappointments. We tend to hang onto them and erect barriers around our hearts to protect us against further pain. We find bags to hold our disappointments of the past; but by holding onto that extra baggage, we carry a reminder of what we have determined as lost hope. We constantly pick up those bags, look inside and become engulfed in the old suffering. It eats at us, pulls us down and sucks us up into that pain-riddled vortex until we are fully consumed. Don’t you know that God wants to help us get through the tough times in our lives? He has said in Hebrews 13:5, “I will never fail you, I will never forsake you.”
I am reminded of a time in my life when I thought the pain was unbearable. My husband of more than twenty years had left me with four daughters to take care of alone and I had recently gone back to school to work on the degree I had given up to get married. So here I was back in back to school, working full time and part-time, and trying to take care of four girls; two teens and two “new” adults. In addition, I was placed squarely in the middle of my daughters’ constant fighting against each other, and me. My bag of pain became larger, heavier and more and more cumbersome. But I just couldn’t seem to empty that bag. I didn’t want to empty that bag! It was too familiar. I needed to have a constant reminder of how unfair life was and how angry I was at God for allowing me to suffer so unnecessarily. As we all do at some point in our lives, I asked the age-old question: “Why me? Why was this happening to me? What had I done that been so bad? Why was I being singled out?” I was drowning in pain and self-pity.
We are often told that we suffer in life because of the choices we make, and that is certainly true. How could I have known that my choice in a mate would cause me such terrible, terrible hurt and grief? There had to have been signs! Now as I look back over my life, I recognize the signs. Signs that literally smacked me in the face but I simply refused to acknowledge them because I wanted what I. Guess what? I got just what I wanted! There is an old adage which most assuredly rings true: Be careful of what you ask for, because you just might get it! Had I just waited on the Lord; had I just let Him chose and lead, had I just sought His council, no doubt many of the things I endured would ever have happened. But that’s another story for another time...letting God lead, that is! None-the-less, that choice, among others is the reason I can confirm to you that God cares about our pains. We may not readily see the answer to “why me”; but sooner or later, it becomes apparent, even if it is years later! “And we know all things work together for good of those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28 NKJV)
I am reminded of Psalm 22, in which David is experiencing so much pain until he feels that God has left him, as he cries, “My God, my God! Why have you forsaken me! Why are you so far from helping me and from the words of my groaning? O My God, I cry in the daytime, but You do not hear; and in the night season, and am not silent.” (Psalm 22:1-2) How many times have we felt the exact same way as David did? How often have we felt that God has abandoned us? There have been times in my life where the mental pain was overwhelming and it seemed the more I prayed, the worse things became. I was convinced that God had abandoned me. I became very angry; at myself, at my friends, at my family, and especially at God! I struggled with those painful demons that threatened to devour me alive! I believed that God was unfair. Here I was trying to be “good” and literally “going through hell”. Where was the justice? I sank into a deep depression while my girls continued to fight each other, and cut me into pieces with their harsh words. I felt a nervous breakdown knocking at my front door! “To You I will cry, O Lord my Rock; Do not be silent to me. Lest, if You are silent to me, I become like those who gown to the pit. Hear the voice of my supplications when I cry to You, when I lift up my hands toward You holy sanctuary.” (Psalms 28:1-2)
Also during that time my oldest became pregnant; a twenty year old who had no sense of what it took to be a mother. Then one day I was holding this this sweet little boy with huge chocolate eyes, pleading with me to get well so that I could take care of him. God knew! He knew that, that innocent, tiny being was going to need me. Was this my salvation? No, it was not the answer I was expecting or even wanted! But God does not always give us what we think we should have. His answers to our prayers can come in many unexpected forms. My question to you is: Can you realize the answers when you receive them?
Our lives hardly ever follow the flow that we want or expect. We often wonder why we grapple with crisis and difficulties. As Christians, we need to understand that suffering and pain are a very real part of our lives; as Christ suffered, so must we. Peter tells us that as Christians we will suffer; “Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you as though some strange thing happened to you.” (1Peter 4:12) Remember, we have the greatest example of suffering, in Jesus, he has “been there!” “For in that He Himself has suffered, being tempted, He is able to aid those who are tempted.” (Hebrew 2:18) “Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:14-16)
We are constantly told to hope for the best, “And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance, and perseverance, character; and character, hope.” (Romans 5:3-4) Even when we are at a point where we feel alone; when we feel like no one in the world cares what happens to us and God seems as far away as another planet; even in our darkest days, that kind of hope never disappoints us because the scripture tells us...”Now hope does not disappoint because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit, who was given to us.” (Romans 5:5) Hope means trusting in God even when we can’t see deliverance on the horizon. We may not be able to see our knight in shining armor galloping boldly on his white steed to rescue us, but He is there. That hopes means relying on an unseen God to rescue us from the pain and the suffering. Romans 8:24-25 tells us about hope, Paul says, “For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.” And again, the Hebrew writer reminds us that hope is a catalyst for faith; for “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen...But without faith it is impossible to please Him for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.” (Hebrews 11:1: 6)
I’ve had the family lost that many of us have had to face. My grandmother died of kidney failure five months prior to the birth of my fourth daughter. Six years later, my grandfather and father died within one month of each other. But the death of my youngest brother was devastating. I was beyond hurt. I was numb with pain. I could not understand how God could take my brother from us. There were six of us siblings, two boys and four girls. We were supposed to grow old together and now one of us was gone. There was this huge, unfillable void, but I’d cry later. I needed to be the strong one for my surviving siblings, for my distraught mom, for my grieving nieces and nephews, for my unbelieving children. I didn’t cry….I simply went numb. It was better not to feel, after all, my marriage was in serious trouble, my children were paying monthly visits to a psychologist, I was on medication to help me function day-by-day, and my world was crumbling, falling apart around me.
While trying to get through that, my husband filed for divorce, and I went on an emotional roller coaster. Before I could pick myself up from my divorce and the resulting consequences, my mother became ill. I broke from a relationship that even I realized was not good for me and went back home to take care of her. For a year, I watched her grow weaker and weaker, but during that time, she became my life-line and my best friend. I wasn’t ready for her death, and the last look that I received from her before I went off on a weekend to chase a dream, will never leave me. It is burned into my mind like a brand. I remember asking her if she was okay as she lay on the sofa watching me pack my suitcase. She told me that she was okay and when I told her that I would just stay home with her, she told me no, to go ahead and she would see me on Sunday. That was Friday afternoon…the last time I saw her as a vital functioning person. So here was another pain to add to my bag, which by now was bursting at the seams. I am thinking as I write this, of how things in my life have not turned out the way I envisioned. Way past middle age I find myself starting over again; not quite the picture I had of my life. I brought so many things upon myself; like becoming a mother at the age of sixteen. At that age, I still didn’t know what it meant to be a daughter, how in the world was I going to be responsible for another human being? Yes, I was young and I didn’t know Jesus, but I did know responsibility and should have had common sense!
No matter what our lives bring and how it proceeds at any given moment, we must remember that God is always watching over us. There is no place in our minds where we can retreat that He is not there. The world may not be there, but God is. In our joy, He is there. In our darkness, He is there. In every facet of our lives, He is there. We only have but to remember that as the head of our lives, we must include Him in every decision we make; it will certainly help to lighten the load we carry around with us!
I am not so naive as to think that these [truths] are easy. It took me a very, very long time to believe them and even longer to accept them. During those dark periods of my life, I only existed. I went through each day wishing that it was over with so that night would fall and bring with it sleep. Sleep…the unfeeling, the unconsciousness…the unknowing; the times when I didn’t have to deal with life. Faith was something other people had. Happiness was something that I was unworthy of. Love was a foreign word. Reflecting on those times I know that I will never be able to recapture the lost moments …But through it all, I’ve grown stronger. The old saying, “it could be worse” is absolutely true. I could still be in a bad marriage, but God brought me out. My children may not have turned out the way I wanted them to, but they are all alive, well, and striving to improve their lives. I got laid off from my job during that time, but the Lord gave me a better one and I survived a serious surgery that could have been life-threatening. God is good and has brought me a long way. I have survived situations that I would not like to see anyone go through; even those who helped me create them. I know that God is working it out for me; there is absolutely no doubt in my mind. He has something in store for me; I am beginning to fulfill His purpose for me, not my dreams for me.
I have come a long way from where I was. Through my suffering, I have learned that God is my stronghold and to not lose sight of that. Yes, I have suffered, yes I was at the core of those sufferings, but God has been there with me every step of the way and though there were times when I did not think I could take one more heartache, one more disappointment, one more measure of pain, He showed me that I was so much stronger than that because He never puts on us more than we can bear. “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13) It is only after we empty that bag of pain and suffering do we realize how much it was been weighing us down. It is much too heavy to drag around. Don’t let the trials of life engulf you. Remember that God truly is faithful, His compassion knows no end. We all must endure trials, they make us stronger! How wonderful things happen to help us learn faith and endurance. James tells us to, “…count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” (James 1:2-4) When your life seems out of control, remember God’s promise of direction. “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)
I am still faced with many trials and tribulations, as we all are. God knows the challenges I am faced with; He knows those that you are faced with. He knows the desires of my heart; He knows the desires of yours. I know that He hears my prayers and you should know he hears yours, and whatever His will for our lives is, it will be for our good and His glory. So toss out that bag and pain and suffering, it was but an unnecessary reminder of things that should be forgotten; an unwelcome load that was hurting your back and holding you back. Let go and let God!
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